...Then one day, as we stood in line for a movie at the mall, Simone Shaw, junior high prom queen, sauntered by. Suddenly Amy turned to me. "Were you looking at her?" she asked. "Do you think she's pretty?"
My mind reeled. Of course I was looking at her! Of course she was pretty! My God, she was Simone Shaw! I paused for a second, then decided to play it straight.
"Well, yeah," I chortled.
Five days later our breakup hit the tabloids (a.k.a. the lunchroom).
There comes a time in every man's life when he discovers the value of hiding the grosser parts of his nature. He starts reciting the sweet nothings you long to hear: "No, honey, I play golf for the exercise." "No, honey, I think you're a great driver." "No, honey, I wasn't looking at that coed washing the car in the rain."
Some of the "Secrets" are:
Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you.
Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
The article itself is bad enough, but the fact that people actually put it up on Digg and 424 people actually took the time to "digg" it. The beginning of the article especially is barf-worthy.