Barbie Confusion

According to Deadspin, "The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has awarded its first TOADY (Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young Children) Award to Mattel's 'Barbie Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Doll.'"

I always hated "playing Barbie." It would be cool if I could say that I was conscious of the way Barbie made me feel about myself and my body, but I just hated her. She was too perky. And my friends sounded stupid when they tried to make her speak.

I voted for video games over the large-breasted plastic dolls.

But once I found my feminism, I realized that there was a lot to hate about these dolls. The unrealistic proportions, the pink theme of it all, the outfits... Despite some efforts to the contrary, Barbie is not a cool, normal chick.

And she's not supposed to be. She's supposed to be glamorous, skinny, hot, pink...whatever. That's what our society aspires to. Don't believe me? Take a look at some of the "hottest" movie stars around today.

Blaming Barbie for instilling an unhealthy body image or unrealistic expectations in young girls is like blaming GI Joe for aggression in boys. Barbie is just a symptom. Yes, there's a problem, but complaining about Barbie or even discontinuing the doll (never gonna happen) isn't going to fix it.

So that's why this random award for a particular Barbie in a "skimpy" outfit puzzles me. What is so different about this Barbie? And how, exactly, does it oppress anyone? That's a lot of power for one plastic doll.

Look, I get where these people are coming from. I hate that there's a doll out there who wouldn't be able to stand if she was a real woman. But there's a reason these things sell so well. I think it's misguided to blame a toy for our problems.

Soft, Squishy White House Girlz

Ty, Inc., of Beanie Babies fame, released a set of dolls before the inauguration. COINCIDENTALLY, the dolls are two girls with dark skin and dark hair. Also COINCIDENTALLY, their names are "Sweet Sasha" and "Marvelous Malia." Not coincidentally, Michelle Obama is pissed.

The toymaker says they were "inspired by" the Obama girls, but that they chose the names because they are "beautiful." These dolls are not supposed to be exact replicas of the girls.
It's true. I don't think Sasha and Malia have hearts attached to their wrists. And the girls aren't as busty as these dolls since, you know, they're 7 and 10 years old. But this is far from a coincidence. Hey, at least they're not china dolls. Cause...well...plush dolls are pretty tough. Even if they DO have boobs.

Let the exploitation of two little girls begin!

Quote

From Everything is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran-Foer:

(a character writes in her diary about the "Sadnesses of the body")

Mirror sadness; Sadness of [looking] like or unlike one's parent; Sadness of not knowing if your body is normal; Sadness of knowing your [body is] not normal; Sadness of knowing your body is normal; Beauty sadness; Sadness of m[ak]eup; Sadness of physical pain; Pins-and-[needles sadness]; Sadness of clothes [sic]; Sadness of the quavering eyelid; Sadness of a missing rib; Noticeable sad[ness]; Sadness of going unnoticed...

I read this and thought it was beautiful. I hope it translates to people who haven't read the book.

Dolls Can Get Implants Too!

Okay, so maybe this is all an ironic, social experiment. But I don't think so.

Last month, the Miss Bimbo virtual fashion game launched in the UK. Each girl on the site gets a naked bimbo who they have to dress, pimp, and pervert until they're the "hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world."

They compete for bimbo bucks, which they can then apply towards breast implants and facelifts. Those give them bimbo attitudes (popular points), which help them win the 'game'. Oh, and make sure to keep your bimbo "waif thin."

If this is ironic, it is severely misguided irony. The website says the competitors are between the ages of 7 and 17. Children don't understand irony or sarcasm. It's the last thing to fall into place.

But aside from that, the competitors need to give her bimbo bigger breasts, sexy outfits, and rich boyfriends to win this game. 234 515 "bimbos" are competing right now.

There's a sister site in France, Ma Bimbo.

It's only a matter of time before this hits the US. I'm shocked one of us didn't come up with it first.

I have to go cry now.

The Boobs Save the Day

We can count on FoxNews to report this one.

A Japanese pin-up model has had a legal verdict overturned after successfully arguing her breasts were too big to allow her to squeeze through a hole a man alleged she used to gain entry into his room.

Serena Kozakura was convicted last year of property destruction after a man accused her of kicking in his door and crawling inside to confront him about his activities with another woman, Agence France-Presse reports.

Kozakura won her appeal Monday after the Tokyo High Court agreed her 44-inch bust was indeed too large for her to gain entry through the hole, AFP reports.

"I used to hate my body so much," she told local media, according to the report. "But it was my breasts," she said, that won in court.

Tell me this woman would've gotten off if she just had a really big stomach. I don't think so.

I'm Uber-Late On This One...

Can't say I'm surprised.

Difference...MADE

I love this clip, but it makes me sad as well. Colbert makes all the obvious points for me, but are women really this desperate? And why the hell can't they pay for their own boob jobs?

YIKES.

Help! She's Cutting Her Hair!

The China Post reports today that short hairstyles are signaling the end of Japan's booming economy.

Apparently, Japanese cosmetics company Kao Corp has a survey that shows women tend to wear their hair long when the economy is doing well, and to cut it short when it's getting bad.

Okay, so either:

1) Japanese women are so connected to the economy that they feel the heat when things are getting bad and respond to it literally by cutting their hair

2) Long hair encourages a booming economy, short hair makes people not want to spend/invest

3) This is a ridiculous survey that has no bearing on reality; hairstyle has nothing to do with the economy

I vote for number three.

They do have some evidence:

Until the early 1990s, when Japan's economic bubble burst, 60 percent of women in their twenties kept their hair long, the Nikkei said, citing the survey.

During the 1990s economic slump, short hair -- defined as above the collarbone -- became the dominant hairstyle for Japanese women. But since 2002, long hair has regained some popularity -- just as the economy started to expand, the Nikkei said.

So the fuck what? Why does this prove anything?

And if I'm wrong, and it does prove something. What the hell does it prove?

Hey! She Has Boobs! How Many "Cute" Euphemisms Can We Use?

Via Gawker.

The Sun crossed the line yesterday, ruminating over Scarlett Johansson's breast-coming out party at a screening of The Other Boleyn Girl in Germany.

Gawker had it's own take about the breast-plosion, namely, that Johansson is trying to show the differences between herself and co-star Natalie Portman.

The Sun, on the other hand, was too distracted to give any sort of take.

The article is titled "Scarlett Shows Off Johanssons," and that's only the beginning. At the end of the article, there is an italicized "quip": "I'm surprised she didn't win the award for Bust Actress..."

And then there's the slideshow of pictures (both of which are included in this post), which, in my opinion don't really show much. The dress is tasteful. But anyway, get ready for more wit:

Scarlett fever ... actress busts out

All four one ... Scarlett, Natalie and the Johanssons

Wow, wonder how long that took them.

I don't think Johansson had an ulterior motive in wearing this dress. She's got big boobs, so the fuck what? She can wear stuff to show it, or not. Why is this a big deal?

Maximeter

It's no surprise that I hate Maxim.

And it's not surprise that they had a "5 chicks I shouldn't want to fuck but would anyway" slideshow.

But I read it, so I must condemn it.

These are the "5 Women We´re Not Supposed to Want (But Do)"

"Are these women hot by traditional standards? No. Would we still do dirty things to them? Hell, yes!"

1) Meg White
2) Pink (not hot by traditional standards? what?)
3) Lisa Lampanelli
4) Juliette Lewis
5) Tina Fey

There you are, ladies. Be grateful that Maxim thinks you're worthy. They're bucking trends to do it (gasp)! We should give them lots of credit for forgiving these ladies for their lack of "traditional" hottness.

And I gotta quote the copy under Meg White's picture:

We´ve always wanted to bag a drummer, and for us it came down to a coin flip between Meg and the one-armed guy from Def Leppard. She´s 12 pounds of sugar in two 5-pound bags, and has both arms. If she humps like she drums…

Classy.

Sexism is Hilarious! (Cracked Edition)

Cracked.com has a real winner today. The article is called "If Valentine's Day Cards Were Honest."

Women always say they want a relationship built on honesty. This Valentine's Day, give her a card that will prove she doesn't really mean it. (emphasis mine)

That's right, be careful what you wish for ladies. You might get a card like this and realize your boyfriend is a complete asshole. Better avoid that bullet as long as you can! And...drumroll please...the FUNNIEST VALENTINE'S CARDS EVER!!!

Hey, at least this next card has some equality.

I have no idea what this means.

What the fuck? Some people have issues.

I'm only dating you for sex! HAHA!!

Note that this was just the hall of fame. There are more at Cracked. The post has 868 diggs. I hate us.

Woohoo! Spain is Awesome

I know some disagreed with Spain's decision to ban crazy-thin models from run-ways, but size 8 mannequins was a definite step in the right direction.

And now, they're really talking my language. The AP reports today that Spain is making clothes for...wait for it...non-stick women.

No, not a "cute" new marketing campaign for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, it's a new set of guidelines from Spain's Health Ministry. Over 10,000 women took part in a 5-month study to standardize clothes sizing. There will be three measurements: bust, waist, and hips. Wow. It's taken them this long to figure out women are as different from each other as men are? I don't know why I'm surprised.

I only wish we could get the three size thing down over here. I've got some birthin' hips growing on me now.

"The Guy's Guide to Cooking For Girls"

Via Techcrunch:

Culinary Seductions is a new site that bribes men to cook for women. How? It'll get them into bed.

The ridiculously sexist site never calls women "girls." In fact, they ask girls to upload pictures of themselves.

(From the site) We're looking for photos and videos of sexy girls admiring their favorite foods! Send us photos of yourself or your date. We'll post the ones that make us the hungriest!

The picture in this post is their "Bite of the Month."

I know I'm lucky. My husband cooks dinner for me a lot. All I can do is hot dogs and frozen dinners. I know a lot of men don't cook, but is this really necessary? Maybe it works as a gimmick (a big MAYBE), but the site is just an excuse to gawk at beautiful women.

Here are some more gems:

Tease Her Taste Buds

You'll be sure to find the perfect dish for any doll.

Click the menu tab and you'll find a Meat Loving Madam (who is, apparently, breasts)

The deeper you go, the worse it gets. Ugh.

Julie Newmar: Alive and Kickin'

Via Copyranter:

Desperate? Maybe. Awesome? I think so.

Julie Newmar bought an ad on the back cover of this week's AdWeek.
The new 70 indeed. The copy reads:"Untouched and unretired movie star, ex-Catwoman a quintessential quality advocate.

If this is what she wants to be doing, someone better hire her fast. Any company would be lucky to have her.

This is the point where I step back and look over at my other shoulder. The little devil is asking me if I would feel the same way if Newmar wasn't 74. Would I feel okay about a woman begging for a job this way? The photo is pretty weird. She's on some sort of desk, but there's a picture of herself there.

Nah . She can do whatever the fuck she wants. In a world where everyone tries to hide from death and aging, I love that "ex-Catwoman" is ready to flaunt her beautiful 74-year old self.

Don't Resist Laughing at Those Scabby Ankles! It's Feminism!

Ugh. This Guardian article literally had me grinding my teeth.

Though, admittedly, there were some paragraphs I couldn't make sense of (I suppose it's that British wit I keep hearing about), I think I got the gist. Julie Burchill wants you to feel free to obsess over Jennifer's cellulite or Braxtey's dry skin. Glamour rags who feature the latest celeb-gone-wrong are ... promoting feminism!

"How so?" you might ask. I'll let Burchill tell you:

"Ooh, a hundred years of feminism gone down the drain!" a certain sort of killjoy Jeremiah is wont to whinge when they see a civilian chick sniggering over a Heat snapshot of some starlet's un-fake-tanned ankles. To which I would reply no, it's you that's a disgrace to our living, mutating feminism, with your apparent feeling that to be a "proper" woman one must never bitch, smirk or get a cheap laugh out of someone wealthier's imperfections. So a woman should be pure in thought, word and sense of humour, eh? A veritable Angel of the Hearth, indeed! How very Victorian - and how very boring.

I warned you about the Britishisms.

What Burchill has completely wrong (and I'm sorry if it's England moved to another planet where it's different) is the argument. Who the hell is talking about "proper" women? I hate these sad excuses for journalism (celebalism? sounds like the disease it is) because they make normal people like feel like shit. Maybe people are laughing on th outside, but on the inside, they're thinking, "damn, I wish I had that kind of body." If a size 2 movie star is getting criticized for her supposedly flabby stomach or her natural face, what kind of message does that send people like me? No, forget me, I'm old enough not to give a crap. What kind of message does that send to a self-conscious adolescent?

Not to mention the fact that Burchill's article only talks about women. The green light of crapmags only seems to hit famous women. Does Burchill not have a problem with that? Are famous men too real for her already?

Sorry to rant, but this is just ridiculous. Sure, if these were simply pictures shot with a goal of showing us real people in honest moments, Burchill's argument would stand. But I'm supposed to laugh at these women. I'm supposed to feel glad that I'm not them. Women are being criticized for being real.

And that's not okay.

Attention Ladies: Keep Proof of Your Academic Past On Hand at All Times

This HuffPo article really pissed me off just now:

"OC" alum Mischa Barton went to Sundance to promote "Assassination of a High School President" and to try to shift focus from her recent DUI arrest. She talked to Fox News and insisted that she was really an academic girl. (emphasis mine)

Sure, drunk driving is idiotic, but why the hell does this woman have to insistshe was an academic girl? Is there some evidence to the contrary? Is it because she's beautiful? Or because of a DUI? Apparently, she was even responsible about going to the press about said DUI. Sounds like a bright woman to me.

The tone of this blurb is ridiculously insulting. Why the hell would Barton lie about her academic past? I mean, we all know men like stupid bitches anyway, right?

Battle of the Bods

I'm just going to quote this Slate article (picture is from the article as well):

The embarrassment one feels at participating in the spectacle of The Moment of Truth is nothing compared with the feelings evoked by Battle of the Bods (Fox Reality, Sundays at 1 a.m. ET), an approximate hybrid of Hot or Not? and a marketing focus group. On the first episode, five Los Angelenas were trotted before the camera and a two-way mirror. On the other side of the mirror sat three men, identified merely as "surfers," who discussed the sexual desirability of each of the women and then, having reached consensus, ranked them from one to five. There were separate evaluations of the prettiness of their faces, the niceness of their gams, and the hubba-hubba-osity of "the full rack." The women stood to earn money, collectively, by anticipating how the rankings would shake out. I'm not sure what was in it for the dudes and therefore must presume that they share some obscure paraphilia and receive unnatural gratification from being seen to look like jerks.

It should be clear that Battle of the Bods is innovatively vile. Further, it is virally vile. To watch it is to play along and to start sizing up the women like a frat boy during orientation week. Worse, it is boringly vile. About half of the program finds the female contestants yapping about whose knees are better than whose. Ultimately, upon being ranked fifth by the boys, the most obnoxious of the girls teared up and stomped backstage. Her comrades went to comfort her and cheer her up, with one mentioning the $300 they'd each won. "Three hundred dollars?" came the retort. "That's not a Louis Vuitton purse. That's not even half of a Louis Vuitton purse!" Poor dear. Doesn't she know there's a sale on at Coach?

Oh, Fox Reality, don't you have anything better to do with your time? Oh wait...I guess not.

It's bad enough these women are being scrutinized, but they have to bet on who will win? That's some creative sexism: women are not only parading around half-naked, they're arguing over their bodies. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that they're snobby bitches either. Yep. That's some good reality tv. Whoever came up with this is an evil genius.

Little Beauties!

Via Feminist Law Professors:

Little Beauties: Ultimate Kiddie Queen Showdown is a one-hour documentary special that will take a light-hearted look into the wonderful world of children’s beauty pageants through the eyes of four, precocious six-year old girls. This documentary reveals the humor and love behind an American tradition; the always colorful characters on the pageant circuit; and the “sparkle” it takes to win a crown.

Aren't they adorable? See how the pounds of make-up create a doll-like essence? See the love the stage mother showers on her girl when she wins (ONLY when she wins)? See how they're learning to be little princesses (ONLY little princesses)? See how disgusting this is?

I have to go throw up.

Female Circumcision

Every so often, a new article comes out about female circumcision. Yesterday, it was the New York Times' turn.

The NYT takes us to Indonesia. And I mean they take us there, to the annual free circumcision fest. There's a slideshow and everything. (The pictures are from the slideshow. I weeded out the heartwrenching ones - a little too manipulative for my taste.)I'm horrified at the practice, and even more so because they don't care if they cut the clitoris. But we circumcise men. Is there that big a difference?

Well, yes, because rather than the original idea of circumcised penises, cutting doesn't mark you as "chosen" or "worthy." According to Lukman Hakim, the foundation that gives the free female circumcisions, the reasons are three-fold:

“One, it will stabilize her libido,” he said through an interpreter. “Two, it will make a woman look more beautiful in the eyes of her husband. And three, it will balance her psychology.”

Still, as far as I know, circumcised men feel less pleasure during intercourse than those who are uncircumcised.

The problem with cutting is that it stems from religious law that sees women as unstable temptresses. We're trying to get rid of a symptom of the problem, when we should be looking at the problem itself.

Some people feel it's right to call this torture, just like they call burkas oppression, but to dismiss someone's entire upbringing through your own paradigm is never excusable. Mothers who bring their baby girls to get cut are just doing what society expects of them.

It's like I always say, a lot of problems can be fixed with education. Let's help to educate these women, not by giving them a tirade on what's right for their children, but by showing them other options and creating those options for them.

Another parallel I can draw with out society is a topic I've been posting a lot about lately: plastic surgery. Some women are actually getting vaginal plastic surgery. Sure, the women aren't babies when they do this, but I wonder how many of them do it because "it will make a woman look more beautiful in the eyes of her husband."

I just don't think we should be so quick to paste our ideals on top of other countries. We have to look at the cause of the problem. Fixing the symptom will get us nowhere. Look at Iraq.

Kanye West Blames Himself

Celeb rag Hollyscoop reports Kanye West blames himself for his mom's death after plastic surgery. He got famous, his mom quit her good job to manage his career, wanted plastic surgery, and he picked up the tab. She died a couple hours after the surgery from a "pre-existing coronary artery disease."

I don't think he should blame himself. Our society is in love with/addicted to plastic surgery. His mom didn't have to buckle under pressure to change her face, and he didn't have to foot the bill, but society is culpable too. Society says it's okay to put yourself at risk in order to fit its opinion of beauty. But it's NOT OKAY!!!

Maybe she would have died from this disease eventually. But I guess we'll never know. All because of this stupid scourge we've all decided to accept. No, not only accept. EXPECT.