"I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to Hell."

I love reading church message boards. There's one by the house I grew up in that was always good for a laugh. They put stuff up like: "The light of the world knows no power failures." But this one is the best I've heard in awhile.

For 24 hours, outside Havens Corners Church in Columbus, OH, the sign read: "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to Hell."

The quote is taken from the pop hit "I Kissed a Girl," by Katy Perry (listen, watch). Apparently, Pastor David Allison said he was worried about the influence the song has on teen girls. He also mentioned the pornographic-y video.

He says he took the sign down not because it was a gay-bashing horror show, but because parishioners has no idea what the sign was referring to.

When I think of all the misogynistic trash out there, it's hard to believe that THIS song is the one Allison is concerned about. Okay...no...it's really not that hard to believe.

DC Madam: A Very Personal Eulogy From Susie Bright

Susie Bright, author of a bunch of great sexual politics books and all-around awesome lady has a touching post up on her blog about Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the DC Madam who hung herself recently.

I have to quote the whole thing, because it offers tremendous insight into Palfrey, and it's a wonderful picture of a woman seeking to understand another woman:

Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the "DC Madam" whose call-girl service got busted in the cross-hairs of partisan payback, has committed suicide. She hung herself at her mother's home in Tarpon Springs, Florida.

Susie's talk with Jeane, 2007 (mp3): Link

Transcript of DJP interview: Link

Jeane, I am so sorry. I know you swore to me that you'd never serve another term in prison for prostitution, or anything else. You almost lost your eyesight the first time. I'm sure you asked your lawyers if there was any hope for your sentencing, and I guess it must have looked bleak.

I know how pissed you were. This was an act of revenge, and I know who you're determined to haunt.

You were righteously furious at all the men who "walked away."

I'm sure that goes quite a ways back, but it certainly includes the esteemed gents on your client list: Louisiana fundamentalist, Senator David Vitter; Abstinence Ambassador Randall Tobias, who squashed AIDS funds all over the world; "Shock and Awe" war profiteer, Harlan Ullman.

And that was just the expendable layer. None of them were charged with anything; all are living quite comfortably, in particular because they have no conscience whatsoever.

Was Jeane suicidal, in the first place? Yes, but I'd describe that carefully. She wasn't irrational to think she wouldn't survive another round in a penitentiary; her health was poor. And she was brittle, the kind of person who is aware of her considerable intellect and education, but who finds herself in unlucky and vulnerable situations over and over again.

She was gullible to the wrong kinda guys, the kind of men who turned her out when she was young, whom she mistakenly placed faith in when she was looking for love, or a safe harbor. She's the kind of woman who should've been groomed for university when she was young, and cultivated for her bright mind and sensitivities. Instead, she was exploited and wasted— and her bitterness, her depression, was a result of that cruel awareness.

She tried to "go straight" after the first round in prison, and of course, was undermined by the typical prejudices against her record. She became more angry about the hypocrites, and determined to beat them at their own game. But it's clear that when Cheney bigwigs were on her tail, she wasn't going to beat their surveillance and manipulations.

Why doesn't everyone kill themselves when they're facing hard odds like Jeane did? Well, that's the million-karma question. All I can offer at this point, is painfully prescient rhetoric: Hell hath no fury like a smart woman scorned.... and justice has NOT been served.

"Pink" Viagra: Why's It Always Gotta Be Pink?

The search for the little blue pill's counterpart for women continues. I wonder if they made Viagra blue just so women would know which pill is theirs.

Our Bodies, Ourselves recently posted an article expressing concerns about the marketing of a woman's sexual dysfunction drug.

They also linked to another post about the "feminist view on female sexual dysfunction."

Apparently, my sistren believe that, should scientists discover a "pink" Viagra, commercials would target women who are just not interested in sex. Young, stressed, busy, unfortunate women.

Okay, I can see that. But is that a reason not to discover this drug? Many older women experience a lower sex drive because of a MEDICAL PROBLEM. Why shouldn't they use something to help them?

There are men that are too busy, stressed, and depressed to have sex, too. No one's worried that they'll feel like something's wrong with them.

I understand the concern. I get it. Marketing campaigns could easily try to make women feel bad for not wanting to have sex. And I'm sure they won't use the female version of Bob Dole for their commercials.But Viagra is for dudes who want to have sex and just can't get it up. This drug should be for the same thing. Women don't have a physical indicator that they're ready for sex, but a drug that increases blood flow to the genitals could increase lubrication and relax the vaginal muscles.

According to Discovery, around 43% of women experience sexual dysfunction, compared to 31% of men. If a woman wants to want sex more than she does, she should have the same tools men have to take care of that. Sure, drug commercials manipulate people. But why is this one more heinous than...say...Prozac commercials that make everyone think they're depressed? Yes, this drug targets women. But isn't that the point?

Isn't this "concern" equivalent to the concern that birth control pills encourage women to have sex more? Why do we think women are more easily manipulated than men?

MobLogic Gets a Feminist Bump

I don't speak for anyone at MobLogic when I say this, but this week there were some great feminist-y shows. I always enjoy sinking my teeth into a MobLogic blog, but I was especially psyched to write about the fact that porn is legal but prostitution is not and a study that confirms the g-spot's existence, just not for every woman. I should say that I have nothing to do with picking the shows.

Here are the shows. I love my job!

"Rape" is a bad word

Well, for the courts at least. Last June, I wrote about a woman who refused to abide by the rules the judge set forth in her trial. The rule she broke? She used the word "rape" in her rape trial.

Sure, it's a powerful word. The judge thought it was too powerful, and that it would sway the jury. So a woman who had been raped was supposed to call this pivotal moment in her life "intercourse" or "sex."

The trial ended in a hung jury (maybe they were confused by all the euphemisms) and Terry Bowen, the woman who is fighting for her right to say "rape," sued. This is what the appeals court had to say (via Feministing):

The lawsuit argued that Lancaster County District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront violated Tory Bowen's constitutional rights in barring her from using certain words during her testimony in the trial, in which she said Pamir Safi sexually assaulted her.

While Cheuvront barred Bowen from using phrases and words like "rape kit" and "victim" in her testimony, he allowed Safi's attorneys to use words such as "sex" and "intercourse" when describing the encounter between Safi and Bowen.

Oh good. So now he'll ban the words "murder" and "robbery" from the courts, right? We wouldn't want to confuse the jury. What about "knife" is that safe to say? How about "he forced me to have sex"? Is that more appropriate?

Language is powerful (as we've seen demonstrated by the Bush years) and this Nebraska judge is abusing this power. This appeals court decision makes me want to scream.

Rape needs to be shoved into people's faces. It's a fact of life that we conveniently ignore. It's a symptom of a much larger problem: men (and sometimes women) in society who feel the need to demonstrate their power. Maybe that's why Jennifer Baumgardner is selling this t-shirt:The only way to start fixing the problem is by talking about it. If we can't even do that in a courtroom, where the hell are we?

STDs for Everyone!

A recent study from the CDC shows that ONE IN FOUR American teenage girls (age 14-19) have STDs, reports the BBC News.

Nearly half of black teens surveyed had at least one STD, while only 20% of white and Mexican-American teens tested positive. This is from a "representative" sample.

The most "popular" STD? HPV. Hmmm...maybe we should get a vaccine for that and make it available to poor people.

I couldn't find the study on the CDC, which worries me. I don't like to just take other people's words for it.

But this is just another sign that we need to teach sex ed in high schools. Abstinence-only education OBVIOUSLY doesn't work. These girls are going to have sex no matter what. Teach them how to protect themselves. We're leaving them defenseless because our president is an Evangelical, and it pisses me off.

According to the BBC, the CDC is recommending mandatory screening and an HPV vaccine. Okay, fine. But why don't we try to solve the problem before it starts? Hand out condoms in the streets, lower the cost of birth control, and TEACH these girls how to keep themselves safe.

ARGH!

The Boobs Save the Day

We can count on FoxNews to report this one.

A Japanese pin-up model has had a legal verdict overturned after successfully arguing her breasts were too big to allow her to squeeze through a hole a man alleged she used to gain entry into his room.

Serena Kozakura was convicted last year of property destruction after a man accused her of kicking in his door and crawling inside to confront him about his activities with another woman, Agence France-Presse reports.

Kozakura won her appeal Monday after the Tokyo High Court agreed her 44-inch bust was indeed too large for her to gain entry through the hole, AFP reports.

"I used to hate my body so much," she told local media, according to the report. "But it was my breasts," she said, that won in court.

Tell me this woman would've gotten off if she just had a really big stomach. I don't think so.

Difference...MADE

I love this clip, but it makes me sad as well. Colbert makes all the obvious points for me, but are women really this desperate? And why the hell can't they pay for their own boob jobs?

YIKES.

Missouri: the place to be if you're a fetus

This week, Missouri has given me not one, but two reasons to pull my hair. And that sucks, cause I really don't have that much of it.

Via Bush v. Choice, Missouri lawmakers want to reclassify EC as "abortion-inducing medication."

Legislation presented to a House panel last week would classify emergency contraception as an abortion-inducing medication, contrary to the definition used by the Food and Drug Administration.

The bill also would protect pharmacies from lawsuits and from punishment by state regulators for refusing to sell or fill a prescription for any drug defined as triggering an abortion.

First of all, it's just a lie. Plan B does not induce an abortion. RU-486 induces an abortion. You start taking Plan B "the morning after" intercourse.

Oh right, because the minute a guy's sperm enters some woman's body, there's a baby there.

And number 2: Via Feministing:

Missouri lawmakers are considering giving tax deductions to "parents" of stillborns for a year.

During a hearing on Monday, the bill's sponsor, Sen. Tom Dempsey, R-St. Charles, said he wanted to honor families' losses.

"This bill recognizes that the person was a child of this state, a child of a family of this state," he said.

Dempsey noted that the Legislature passed a measure in 2004 that allowed parents of stillborn children to receive a birth certificate. The state tax deduction, he said, is the next logical step.

So will all parents get tax breaks for their dead children, regardless of age? Or is it only non-people who get deductions? I'm sorry these people had to experience this, but come on!

What the HELL is wrong with Missouri?

Maximeter

It's no surprise that I hate Maxim.

And it's not surprise that they had a "5 chicks I shouldn't want to fuck but would anyway" slideshow.

But I read it, so I must condemn it.

These are the "5 Women We´re Not Supposed to Want (But Do)"

"Are these women hot by traditional standards? No. Would we still do dirty things to them? Hell, yes!"

1) Meg White
2) Pink (not hot by traditional standards? what?)
3) Lisa Lampanelli
4) Juliette Lewis
5) Tina Fey

There you are, ladies. Be grateful that Maxim thinks you're worthy. They're bucking trends to do it (gasp)! We should give them lots of credit for forgiving these ladies for their lack of "traditional" hottness.

And I gotta quote the copy under Meg White's picture:

We´ve always wanted to bag a drummer, and for us it came down to a coin flip between Meg and the one-armed guy from Def Leppard. She´s 12 pounds of sugar in two 5-pound bags, and has both arms. If she humps like she drums…

Classy.

Shiny, Happy Texans

The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals struck down a Texas ban on sex toys, saying it violates the right to privacy under the 14th amendment.

How did this get this far? The ban is clearly unconstitutional. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Well, That Sounds Good

Via the AP:

Amsterdam, famed for its red light prostitution district, on Wednesday gave escort services six weeks to apply for official city licenses.

The order is part of a campaign to combat money laundering, human trafficking and abuse in the sex industry, which was legalized in the Netherlands in 2000.

If that's really why they're doing it, this sounds good. Hopefully, it's not just a way to control the sex trade. I mean, it won't affect individual prostitutes, only the escort services. I think it's good. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Big UK Breasts

An Australian report details a British study that shows British women breaking their backs everywhere.

According to the article, the study shows average bra size has grown from a 34B to a 36C in less than ten years.

In less than ten years the average bra size has grown from a 34B to 36C.

Marks & Spencer say a quarter of all its bras sold are a D cup or above - a figure which has doubled in three years.

And, in response to customer demand, its range, which used to end with a G cup, now goes up to a J. Lingerie company Bravissimo has even introduced three different K cup bras.

K???? Jesus Christ!Several reasons are given in the article, obesity, estrogen taken during menopause, and fake estrogen, which we get through necessities like lipstick (and tampons and spermicide, but those fall more into the realm of real necessities), and alcohol.

It's not all bad news though, another possibility the article mentions is that women are exercising more. Bigger pectorals=bigger boobs.

But the increase could lead to a greater risk of breast cancer. That good news went by pretty quickly, huh?

I'm not sure how big a deal this is. I mean, what the hell are we supposed to do about it? Just another scare tactic to keep women in their place. "Quick! Make your breasts smaller, or we'll all get breast cancer! Go! Now!"

At least most guys will be happy.

Dear, Use Me While Having in Sex

Dancing condoms and ninjas. This gets really good around five minutes in.



I'm glad stuff like this exists in India. Sure, it goes on a little long, but it's mesmerizing. Imagine those condom guys walking down the street.

Condoms for everyone!

Love the Funny Ladies

Searching on YouTube, found Shayna Ferm. Her CD should be coming out soon. Check it!

You stole my wife!

Women can be stolen legally in Mississippi.

And the Supreme Court couldn't be bothered. Of course the good news is, it's a unisex law that permits

a cuckolded spouse to seek damages for "loss of society, companionship, love and affection," as well as "the loss of sexual relations."

No, wait. NOT GOOD NEWS. People should NOT be able to sue for this kind of thing. Stating the obvious, or so I thought.

I don't care about Jessica Alba, but...

she's just lying in this Elle article:
“Contrary to how people may feel, I've never used my sexuality."

Is she serious? And who wouldn't with a body like that? She's not a great actress, she's a hottie. I hate that we glorify people for that, but she's taking advantage of it and more power to her if she wants to use it to do something good for a change (like ACTUALLY act).

But why lie about it? Maybe she thinks she's telling the truth.

But come on...she had to know every blogger in the world would pull up pictures like these.

Planned Parenthood...WHY?

I love Planned Parenthood I used to volunteer for them, I've thought about going to protests with them (too lazy - I know - LOSER!), and I get my yearly exams from them. But I gotta say: this is kind of a crappy commercial:



Sure, it's for MTV and VH1. Maybe that audience will find it funny. I just thought it was going to go somewhere good. "Planned Parenthood Airlines?" Condoms falling from the overhead compartment? And what's with the heart-shaped lollipop? And do we need to have a talk about gay stereotypes?

Just hire me, Planned Parenthood, we'll make some magic. Have you thought about animated condoms?

Damn. Of course. There's something already out there. Mine would be more interesting and more cartoon-y. Promise.


Put him on!

Hot Toddlers

Via Feministe:

This was spotted in LA:Apparently, these are available for TODDLERS. What the fuck?

New Year's Resolution: Do him more

Link and picture via Pandagon:

This MSN article couldn't get more offensive. Without the details, here are the "5 Doable Resolutions" (natch) from MSN:
1. Cook more often
2. Revamp your wardrobes
3. Book a do-nothing vacation ("Go ahead and ignore the little voice that says you should travel to culturally rich foreign capitals.")
4. Stop having sex in your bed ("and start doing it in every other corner of your house.")
5. Support his guys' night out (I can't resist a full quote on this one):

Sure, it's hard not to resent the hours he spends away from you playing fantasy baseball or listening to Grateful Dead bootlegs with his buddies, not to mention the way he stumbles into bed afterward reeking. But if you consider that letting him have a guys' night without grief may be the single biggest thing you can do to win "coolest wife on the planet" credentials, it's really not such a big price to pay, is it? Tell him he should spend even more time having fun with his friends because he works so hard and it's so important for him to unwind. You're showing him that you truly care about his happiness (and accept that browsing the drawer pulls aisle at The Home Depot doesn't cut it). That's the sort of sentiment that will make your marriage stronger and make him eager to end those guys' nights at a sane hour to race home to your side.

So for New Year's, ladies, remember, it's up to you to make your husband as happy as possible. Don't worry about yourself, unless it's to take a vacation with your husband. Fuck him, worship him, and lie to him.